Distracting things I think during sex but never heard anyone put into words, until now.
So when my partner is doing something focused on me, I can’t stop my thoughts. So I just end up cutting it early and switching to doing something I know he likes.
I realize now that’s a mistake. It taught my partner that I don’t want that attention - when the truth is that I do want it. But all those thoughts keep me from being able to relax and enjoy it.
I thought this was some weird thing just did. But these researchers from OMGYES, I.U. and Yale did interviews with thousands of women - and then found the patterns in their experiences.
And it turns out the majority of women struggle with the same distracting thoughts I do. OMGYES researchers also asked all these women if anything a partner did actually helped them get past those thoughts - and found the patterns in those, too. GOLD!
"Turns out: the thoughts that get in the way of sex for me are things most women think.
Here's what happened when I showed my partner new research about what we could do about it:
I was a little scared it could hurt his ego and feel like I was saying, ‘you haven’t been doing things well enough.’ But because OMGYES is from new research findings that just came out, he said it wasn’t like that at all- it was like he was learning new stuff about me, and about women, and he was 100% down to help. No one knew this stuff before.
Seeing that the majority of women experienced things I did - it helped me feel it was normal stuff to bring up to him, too.
The site says over and over how some of these things won’t work for you and that’s ok - that it's the exploring and the curiosity that leads to closer relationships. So the pressure is off."
"The majority of women have the same distracting thoughts during sex as I do
I’d thought they were just my weird thing! Hooray for research.
I.U. and Yale researchers talked to thousands of women, and found not just the thoughts that hold us back, but also the most effective, practical things women and partners have done to squash each kind of worry. They’re so obvious once you see them.
Women - I want you to see these, recognize them from your experience and feel the ‘I’m not crazy’ relief I felt.
Guys/partners, treat these like a super-honest window into thoughts most of us slip into thinking during sex, but don’t tell you. And please learn and do these simple things that actually work to help us get out of our heads."
"I overthink during sex.
Here's what happened when I showed my partner new research about what we could do about it:
I was a little scared it could hurt his ego and feel like I was saying, ‘you haven’t been doing things well enough.’ But because OMGYES is from new research that just came out, he said it wasn’t like that at all- it was like he was learning new stuff about me, and about women, and he was 100% down to help.
Seeing the stats - that the majority of women experience the SAME things I do - it helped me feel it was normal stuff to bring up to him. And it made him feel confident actually trying the things with me.
The site says over and over how some of the things won’t work for you and that’s ok - that it's the exploring and the curiosity that leads to closer relationships. So the pressure is off.
It’s so much easier to have specific things to point to with him, instead of feeling on the spot to come up with what I want to ask for.
I want all the women out there to see these, recognize them from your experience and feel the ‘I’m not crazy’ relief I felt. Because we’re all in this together.
Guys, check this out and treat these things on OMGYES like a super-honest window into things most of us experience but don't ever say aloud.
"Turns out: the thoughts that get in the way of sex for me are things most women think.
New research reveals the things we think but don't say. And the most effective, practical techniques women and partners have discovered.
They’re such obvious techniques once you see them.
Women - I want you to see all these patterns in what we experience, recognize them and feel the ‘I’m not crazy’ relief I felt.
Guys/partners, treat these like a super-honest window into thoughts most of us slip into, but don’t tell you. And please learn and do these simple things that actually work to help us get out of our heads."
